expect the unexpected

this one thing that i fear of, keeps playing in my mind these few days. i don't think it has been a few days... definitely a few months by now. i know that i cant get the things that i want all the time. the things that i need, matters to me better than what i want. i realized that lately i always surround myself with negative kind of vibes. i know its not good for my health as i easily feel depressed whenever i think too much, and my mind is not really in a good condition to think well. 


i already expected that this thing is absolutely going to happen. i don't want to put a blame on one another as being understanding is yes, a good way to keep this feeling of insecurities etc. being responsible to put a trust and to gain a trust is the thing that can make things go well after this. i know i shouldn't be selfish, but yeah, i think i have a right to say that its not even fair. am i being too irrelevant?? haih. i don't know, i'm confused, i'm scared. but, it's not that you are there yet kan?? hmm. you left me hanging this long. it's not like that it is already started. so called of a new life,  a new book or a new chapter either. i know yes i know i should bear with it. i wanted to tell you this but yes i'm scared that you are going to get angry cause i am being so naive over these things. i don't want that to happen. i just feel sad and that's why i am like this. and one more thing, that i always do this so called of informing and updating whenever i am outside just yeah, don't want to make you feel worried. yes i'm a girl, i should keep informing. cause it's quite dangerous out there. but hmm can't you at least do the same thing. i don't want to fight. this is just,a sort of heart to heart session i guess


back to the topic right? i know yes i know. understanding, trustworthy, teamwork and loyalty. i will try my best to finish what i started. if you want it to be forever, why don't put on effort to stay till end? i'm rooting for this. you can always trust me.